Do you have hours on end to hunt through the internet or read book after book, just to figure out what is good marriage advice, what isn’t, and what will solve your marital problems? Well, I’ve made that my fulltime job. I’ve already done a lot of serious research for you, and am still at it.
Why am I doing this? Having gone through a divorce myself, I know that I could have used expert advice to better understand my wife and our relationship. But, the professional counselor we saw just couldn’t get us “on-track” for solving our marital problems and getting reconnected. Over the years I actually got a bit obsessed with trying to figure out what I could have done differently to save my marriage. And knowing that others, like you, are headed down that same unhappy path, I want to give you what you need so you can have a better life together.
There is a lot of well-meaning, but useless, advice being offered, from friends to magazine articles to books to internet forums. Don’t go there. You don’t need the distraction. What good can come from hearing “It’s time to move on,” or “Do you really want this marriage,” when your goal is to make the marriage you’ve got be happy, strong, and healthy? Too many people are willing to give up on a relationship that presents a challenge, and they are only too willing to have you think the same way. They do not have what you are looking for. You need reliable information, and a guide who wants what you want, to help you with your marital problems and to stop a divorce. I’ll filter out the pap and show you the good advice so you can get a terrific marriage.
Some very highly respected marriage counselors and therapists say that their profession can be hazardous to your marital health. I know that only all too well! So, we’ll talk about whether marriage counseling is the route you want to take.
Christian marriage counseling can be very similar to secular counseling, or it can be very different. As with secular counseling, knowing more about what you are choosing will increase your chances of success.
The statistics on counseling and counselors can be confusing because numbers can be manipulated to prove most anything. But you can learn from them and gain insights into the counseling process.
Marriage counseling has its advantages, such as helping you recognize and break free of the patterns of relating that cause marital problems. Of course, it also has its disadvantages, and unless you are aware of them your counseling could do more harm than good.
There are three key ingredients to good marriage counseling. When you understand them, you'll understand how counseling works and what you can do to get the most out of it. While many risk factors predict the success or failure of marriage counseling, knowledge about the process, and acting on that knowledge, leads to success. We’ll also discuss the difference between marriage counseling and couples therapy, and the options within each type.
Getting the wrong counselor can be devastating to your marriage. I know because the one I got, to put it kindly, had no business doing marriage counseling. Finding and choosing the right marriage counselor may be the single, best article you can read.
If you prefer the self-help route, we’ll begin with two very important questions to get you thinking about "the big picture" and the specific kinds of self-help that fit into it. You may or may not be able to pinpoint your relationship problems, or recognize individual problems that affect your marriage. But, I’ll help you “get a handle on it” so you can know how to proceed.
Like marriage counseling, the self-help route also has advantages and disadvantages that you should know about. The process of improving your marriage becomes easier when you are aware of what is working and what to watch out for.
Speaking of what to watch out for, marriage forums present three challenges I believe you should be keenly aware of if you choose to use them.
Probably one of the biggest problems we all face is understanding the opposite sex. In all cultures males and females are raised to think, feel, and behave differently. And the strangest part of it is that we don't recognize those differences, and so we expect our spouse to think, feel, and behave just like us! Ladies, be sure to read Understanding Men, and men, be sure to read Understanding Women.
As with the marriage counseling section, many more self-help articles are planned. But, what is already here is a good start. I name books and programs that will be good resources for further reading.
Your marriage relationship is vital to you. It’s more precious than any possession. And it’s imperative that you get the right help to solve your marital problems. So, let’s begin. There’s no particular order for reading. But please read from both sections. Don't say no to any route that might help until you understand it.
Bookmark this home page, pick a topic, and go for it.
Do you feel lost or alone?
Are you hurt, frustrated, or angry with each other?
Do you argue or shut down?
Does talking about it make things worse?
Have you separated or thought about it?
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